A Little Video: Trip to the Zoo

Waiting for the train to leave the station. Ingrid was so excited she started to look worried.

Mark my words, one of these days I will hold my phone correctly/the other way. 

Happy Wednesday!

The Very Merriest Mother's Day

Out of my three Mother's Days, this one was the sweetest. Ingrid woke up wanting to read a book which was a welcomed change from the typical yogurt request (I have shugurt?). 

We called Grandma. Fixed the clog in the bathtub. Went to the zoo. Laughed really hard at otters. Rode the train. Laughed hard when reminiscing about the otters (apparently, they are hilarious). Sipped on Thai iced coffees (what do they put in those delicious things?) Took a three hour nap (Ingrid). Watched way too many episodes of Sex and the City (Me). Went to the park. And now, she's in bed a half hour early. 

We had a 30 minute window where the wheels started to come off. I wanted to pull a Zach Morris. To motion my hands in a sharp "T" shape and declare "Timeout!" 

Timeout: What happened to the bubbly, cheery dog and toddler? No, you can't have a sucker before dinner or ever because we don't have any. Please stop chasing after distant leaves your old eyes mistake for bunnies. Seriously, we don't have any suckers. 

Then, Ingrid started to sing "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" and asked to dance. Of course we can dance, lovely little lady. Right after my heart stops aching from sweetness overload. 

It was the very merriest Mother's Day (wording ripped from a weird Mad Hatter story). 

Happy Mother's Day!

Five Things

Happy Friday! This weekend we're down one Atkinson. With just Ingrid, Harper and I, the weekend is trending pretty girly: a Scentsy party, outlet mall stop and if the weather is right, a Mother's Day trip to the zoo. Here are five things that made the week pretty sweet:


Ingrid and I popped some tags last weekend at the University School of Milwaukee's Rummage on the Rink. That rummage sale is no joke - there were maps and directional cones involved. Ingrid literally rummaged through a pile of stuffed animals to find her prized princess pillow. I was thrilled that these books turned out to be pretty great - I was drawn to them for the illustrations.

Cooking in this little kitchen stinks. Now, when we move to our new place, the kitchen won't be much bigger but, it will be brighter, roomier and ours. Baking is manageable. Baking fish feels springy. This Salmon with Sriracha Sauce and Lime feels just about right - even in this teeny kitchen. I bet you three dollars you have all of the sauce ingredients in your pantry/fridge.

These transitional seasons are always rough for me, wardrobe wise. Currently I'm searching for the perfect: mint cross-body bag, chambray shirt dress, work/play appropriate skirts, little knot studs and work shirts that aren't stuffy. I wish this ampersand sweatshirt was somehow justifiable because, it's just so cute:

Like everyone else, I'm reading The Great Gatsby and anticipating the movie. This is my favorite quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald. By favorite I mean, it was pinned to my Words board two months ago because it looks and sounds fancy.

Ingrid went on a big swing for the first time. She was cautious, curious and mimicked the little girl next to her. She would faux pump her legs and make the tiniest micro movements. It's hard to imagine that just a year ago she was taking wobbly steps.

Happy Mother's Day! Enjoy the sunshine and thank your moms.

First Haircut

Today, after almost 25 months, Ingrid had her first haircut.

On the way to the kid's "salon" she informed me that she "didn't like haircuts" and wanted to go home to watch a movie. Like all parents of toddlers, explaining things like haircuts, moving, patience, nighttime, ants and orange peels requires some creative thinking. For example:

Why are we not living in the house in Tosa? It's not ready yet.
Why can't we pick up ants? They like to stick together as a family, in the sand.
Why do we need hair cuts? Because that's what big girls do.

Hair cut explanation fail.

I dreaded the experience mainly because Ingrid didn't have a jacket when I picked her up from daycare. It was 50 degrees, rainy and she was dressed in a tank top, striped pants and striped shoes (read: ragamuffin). I'm not proud of the next move: I wrapped her up in (clean) yoga pants and booked it into the salon (wait, "salon").

A reluctant Ingrid instantly fell in love with every mirror, toy, sticker and smock in the joint. The staff had toddler haircuts down to a science: pop in a movie, cover them in a butterfly cape, add some sparkly hairspray and finish it off with gifts. Gifts like stickers and a pom-pom hair clip.

Toy Story 2 and butterflies? Guess I'll zone out. 

As we were leaving I asked her if she liked getting her hair cut. She responded with "Yeah. See ya next week!" I wrapped her awkwardly in a warm bundle of yoga pants, I thought well, this went better and somehow worse than I expected - like a lot of moments in parenthood. These parenthood cliches keep creeping up and I always mistake them for original thoughts.

Lesson learned: always keep a pair of emergency yoga pants in case you're caught in the rain.

After Listen to Your Mother

I'm envious of writers who can churn out personal stories immediately following an event, experience or weekend. I need time to filter my thoughts and figure out where I really stand. This weekend's Listen to Your Mother event was no exception.

As we stood on the stage and waited patiently to take our bow, I could feel the nerves coming to a halt. Finally! Turns out they had been lingering since audition day. I kept telling myself it was just something silly - just sharing a little story - one that I've shared with you on this teeny blog. It isn't silly - it's my personal story. It's a big deal to write a personal story. To write that story and share it with friends, family and a bunch of strangers.

The show felt like a blur but I thought that after reading my piece, I could sit back, relax and listen to the other mothers. Instead, I was on the edge of my seat, crying (no surprise) and nervously cheered on my cast mates. I wanted them to shine - and they did.

After the event a woman came up to me and said "I have a story like yours. My baby wasn't planned." She had tears in her eyes. Then I started tearing up and neither one of us knew what to say. She said she just wanted me to know. I thanked her and held back tears.

At the after party, I rambled to our producers about the experience. I thought I did better than expected (I was always really nervous during rehearsals) and one producer chimed in with "It's a really big deal."

I wouldn't have believed her that morning but after reading my piece, I nodded along in agreement. It was a big deal. Listen to Your Mother claims to give Mother's Day a microphone. For me, it did so much more. It shook something loose that I didn't even know was stuck. I feel my story had momentum, closure, validity, a community and a voice.

I can't wait to hear the 2014 Listen to Your Mother show. Hopefully, being in the audience will mean that I won't be a hot mess but judging by the emotion of this year's show, that's pretty unlikely.

Unplanned Plan

My major? I liked business classes so, advertising seemed like a natural fit. What should I get for lunch? Let’s wait and see what the table’s ordering before deciding. Do I want to have kids? Yes. Without a doubt, yes.

Like everyone - I weighed my options when it came to any decision – big or insignificant – but I always knew that someday, some day in the far, distant future, I would be a mom.

I’m not what you would call maternal but I always knew that after years of being someone’s daughter, sister, granddaughter, friend, fiance and wife, I’d eventually earn the name – Mom.

I didn't plan on having the titles fiance, wife and mom all within 10 months.

After nearly a decade of dating, after awkwardly stumbling to answer the favorite family-gathering question “So, when do you two think you’ll get married…?” My boyfriend proposed. My fiancé and I started planning our wedding and our future. And eight weeks later, I went from wedding planning to planning for motherhood.

We moved up our wedding date. Our friends and families were happy for this accelerated union. Our parents were thrilled to hear the news of their first grand-baby. And they were all pleasantly surprised with our backyard shabby chic wedding that felt more chic, than shabby.

I kept waiting for feelings of sadness. To mourn the big white dress that would never be, the extensive
wedding planning, multiple showers, and bachelorette party - but it never happened. I never mourned my planned wedding because our unplanned wedding felt authentic, simple and appropriate.

If I could have waved a magic wand and not have been pregnant at my wedding, would I? Yes. I drank a Capri Sun at one point in the evening. So, there was a little “shabby” to compliment the chic. But it felt right because it was ours.

A few months after our wedding, and a few months before our baby arrived, my employer of five years moved all of their operations to Birmingham.

At that moment it felt like I was being punished for my lack of planning. It felt like the last piece of some fragile puzzle had been lost. And as frantically as I searched for the pieces I couldn't put the puzzle back together. I couldn't make sense of the situation. I threw myself a good ol’ fashioned pity party. A pregnancy pity party! Complete with Sour Patch Kids and probably a grilled cheese.

At my former-job, we helped our sales consultants write 30 second commercials, elevator pitches if you will, to explain their business.

During my engagement-pregnancy-wedding-unemployment period, I developed my own "30 second commercial.” And then, expanded it. Everyone heard a one thousand, nine hundred and nine second speech about my relationship, our engagement story, unexpected baby and – the icing on the cake – unemployment.
I apologized for my lack of planning. I spewed facts and dates at you - letting you know that our relationship - and this baby - were completely legitimate, despite our recent marital status. Because, we've been together forever, we've lived together for years and we always wanted kids.

My due date was April Fools Day. And after 8 days of waiting and 2 days of dramatic labor later, our beautiful daughter Ingrid arrived. Her unplanned plan must have been to keep us waiting, as her gender was also a surprise.

One day during the blur of newbornhood, I was rocking Ingrid to sleep and telling her stories. I was telling her the story of “us” – how I married my childhood crush, told her tales of camping and our favorite places. I explained to my tiny, wide-eyed two-month-old how we met and how we got married in Grandma’s backyard and danced under the stars. I threw in a self-deprecating joke as my husband was walking by and without skipping a beat he turned to us and said "She wasn't planned, but she was always part of the plan."
It was so beautiful. So simple. And so true.

I had to start planning for a family of three. To start standing up for my family and accept my unplanned reality. I had to start acting like a Mom.

Now, if anyone does the math - married in October, baby arrived in...April? I let them go ahead and think what they want to think, knowing that any pathetic attempt to explain "our story" isn't worth my time or energy.

We know life is buzzing all around us yet, we attempt to march through on a path we determine as “right.” But in the end, it’s true, she wasn't planned, but she's always been a part of the plan.

I had the honor of reading this piece for the Listen to Your Mother show in Milwaukee on May 5, 2013. What is Listen to Your Mother? A national series of live readings by local readers in celebration of Mother's Day. It's simplistic and wonderful!

How we got to this new, weird, apartment where Harper sleeps on an ottoman.

So, a lot of things have changed since Ingrid's birthday. Short list:

• I got a new job! 
• Our closing date got pushed back.
• Dan and I went to Chicago! 
• We moved out of our little apartment. 
• We moved into a tiny apartment.
• Good news: I'm less stressed about the upcoming Listen to Your Mother show because, it doesn't involve packing tape.  

I won't bore you with the details because they are essentially more embarrassing for me than they are boring. Thankfully, the new job has been wonderful. I don't even care that I'm in this "honeymoon" state where nothing is wrong and I assume everyone is probably a joy to work with. You know when you emerge from the other end of a breakup and start to date again? Only then can you see your ex for what he was. It's a lot like that. I feel like I'll be able to wake up happy (again!) and enjoy productive, positive days. 

I'll get real with you. Right now, I'm totally cool with this temporary situation. 24 hours ago when we didn't have internet, shampoo or a functioning knife - well, that was a different story. Side bar: baby shampoo is amazing for volume. Should you ever be in such a bind. 

The facts of this unplanned situation: our home buying process didn't line up with our lease and we're living in a bizarre furnished apartment. I'm walking on sunshine at my new job but I'm new and not yet comfortable. At home and at work nothing feels settled. Add the Listen to Your Mother event and Dan's graduation and we're just a ball of transition around here. We're eating meals out of the home more that I'd like. Harper hasn't had enough walks hence, this day-before-the-move surprise: 

But here's what's amazing: even if for some reason, this house doesn't work out, we'll be moving into our first house at some point. Dan will be done with school. Ingrid will once again watch Bubble Guppies. I'll eventually feel at home at work and at home. Harper will have a new park and new doors to destroy. 

To wrap up this weird, raw and honest post - here are some recent pictures: 

Happy and squinty.

Bay View Bread.

Happy Second Birthday!

Boom! It's a doll house.

Watching Bubble Guppies. Natch.

"I'm getting notes of...vanilla, awesomeness and sprinkles. For sure, sprinkles."

Whipped-cream hangover.

And now, Chicago.

Hashtag trending: tea.

Delicious, tea.

My first trip to The Bean!

Awkwardly holding it up. I guess.

Looks like we need more tea.

Off to The Aviary and The Girl and The Goat. #pretendingtobefancy

Do we want warm, tea-infused tequila? You bet we do.
#tea 

Hello!

Naturally posing on the ledge while looking at dozens of people waiting in line to do the same thing.

Natural.

We are up high.

Yolk. Eggcellent choice. Man, do I love breakfast.

Nice {bronze} legs.

Thanks for sticking with this one. More to come!

Two

During my pregnancy, Dan turned 30. We met his family for dinner one night in early March and during the drive home, he came to the conclusion that birthday celebrations are for parents not kids. Now, this is coming from someone who literally wants nothing for his birthday. As in, "Please stop asking me what I want to eat for my birthday. I don't care."

Where as I love to extend my birthday over several days and I prefer a celebrations that incorporate my favorite things: loved ones, cocktails, good food and the outdoors. I used to apologize for this but as I get older I'm comfortable with my requests and it's not like I'm asking for presents or anything.

Back to the question of who really needs the celebration: parents or kids?

Last year, Ingrid had no idea what was happening. She was excited to look at new books, dresses and toys. You could sense her happiness as family and friends surrounded for the afternoon. In true skeptical Ingrid fashion, she didn't dive right into her cupcake. She studied it carefully and eventually nibbled at her first baked good. We like to think that she's hesitant to try new things until she knows the outcome. She didn't take her first steps until she was able to put one wobbly first in front of the other.

A year later, someone has delivered us a fully-grown toddler who's capable of walking, running and faux-jumping (jumping with both feet firmly planted on the ground). She's got this incredible raw honesty that will stop you in your tracks. She'll deliver a firm "No. No I don't." if she's not in the mood to snuggle, take a bath or drink water. The snuggle-no always hurts but, sometimes a girl just needs her space.

There is still so much babyness to her: the plump tummy, inability to dress herself completely, or walk long distances. She speaks in full sentences but words are misunderstood. She gets the idea of a time-out and sometimes talks herself out of her "time-out worthy" behavior.

When reflecting on her growth and milestones, it's hard given that the past 12 months welcomed so many small changes but when compounded, it's a world of difference between one and two. Here's what I love about Ingrid - as a baby, at one and today:

• Observant 
• Honest 
• Thinks that dresses are pretty 
• Loves dairy 
• Loves meat 
• Loves adventures (aka, errands) 
• Balloons are amazing 
• Non-snuggly 
• Loves books 
• Loves the outdoors 

Did I even address the question I gave myself of "who needs a birthday celebration - the parents or kids?"

My thoughts (since you won't stop asking): she'll go through two to three decades of thinking and knowing that birthdays are all about her. When and if she ever has babies she'll (hopefully) understand that it's a pretty special day for us parents too. The moment of going from who you've always known yourself to be to a mom is pretty memorable. It's scary, life-altering, surreal and will warm your heart beyond imagine. Mostly it's really scary.

Even though we're keeping it simple this year - candles in French toast for breakfast this morning, one present (doll house) and dinner at Red Robin (fancy!) tonight - it's a really special day for our family. Ingrid knows that because she gets extra sugar today and really, when you're two, that's a rad day. Or when you're 29.

Weekend Recap: Taste of Single Life

This weekend was out of the ordinary but felt like my old "ordinary" weekends. Because "what I did" lists complete with "what I ate for breakfast" tend to feel a little...dramatic, so I'll just say that the overall theme was: "So this it what it feels like to be single again."  It wasn't glorious, it wasn't bad - it felt like a natural weekend. A weekend I used to know so well.

Friday Highlights: 

• Wine over lunch with friends turned into champagne over pedicures that turned into "let's just get one more drink." 
• After a quick break, my best friend and I reconnected to continue our celebrating. We sorted through Ingrid's old clothes and took breaks to watch amazing videos like this one. 
• The night ended with me dancing the night away in a stocking hat because I was too tired from drinking all afternoon to bother with details like "my appearance."

Saturday Highlights: 

• Started with an overly-ambitious four-mile run. I was reminded Chelsea Handler's books - the one where she talks about those rare energetic mornings after a night of drinking. At some point in the day you say to yourself "How did I end up in this canoe?" Sorry for trying to quote Chelsea - that was painful. But, at one point I looked at Harper, blissfully running on the shores of Lake Michigan, rain hitting her fur, and wondered out loud: "How am I two miles from home?"  
• Dressed up as the AppleJax pony from My Little Pony for my friend's daughter's third birthday.
• Celebrated her birthday with multiple cocktails and bacon-maple cookies. It was the best third birthday party ever!

Sunday Highlights: 

• There's a Dunkin' Donuts on my way home - and it's a drive through! 
• Emotionally draining Listen to Your Mother second rehearsal. I continue to cry during these stories. Thank goodness I'm reading third, less of a chance of looking like a giant hot mess. 
• Food court treats with the LTYM cast members. Turns out they are even more amazing than there five - seven minute stories. Wow. 
• Mad Men. I can't even contain my thoughts on the new season. Peggy - what a bad ass! These reviews were spot-on and thought-provoking last year. I can't wait to read these every Monday.

Between packing, laundry and these highlights the weekend was pretty wonderful. I wish I could tell you that I needed a weekend to myself or that I miss Dan and Ingrid like crazy but that's not the case. It was wonderful to spend time with old friends, best friends, new friends, Harper, my DVR, and myself. That's it. Nothing profoundly interesting or dramatic - I guess that IS what I needed!

New Mom Care Package

Recently a good college girlfriend of mine welcomed her second baby boy. Reality check: we're old - our friends are now having children (as in multiple people).

During those first blissful, blurry days of parenthood, we welcomed casseroles, newborn clothes, diapers and the occasional bottle of wine from loved ones. Needed baby items and gifts to make our life easier.

My favorite gift, hands down, was a button-down dress, a size larger than I would typically wear. I could nurse and wear it comfortably. There was something exhilarating about pulling off a new price tag. I was months away from my old wardrobe and was happy to pack away the maternity clothes. That said, from the looks of my friend's 39-week baby bump pic, it looked like she gained the recommended amount of weight and she'll be back in her jeans (or wide-leg blue pants) in no time.

So, my friends and I decided to put together a little care package for her, her new little baby - and of course, something fun for big brother. There are plenty of thoughtful new baby gifts, but this little assortment was fun to assemble:

From the top:

Magazines: Parenting and a Real Simple - quick reads for that precious time between naps
Tea: Caffeine-free and tasty
Baby Outfit: Even the second boy deserves something new (teeny, tiny cargo pocketed pants not shown). Also, I'll go on record and say that I gift clothes size 3 months and up. It's hard to resist the tininess of newborn clothes but, they are good for a hot second - and newbies look irresistible in onesies.
Stickers: For the big brother (Honk. I guess the milk truck only gets to honk once, unlike his fun transportation friends).
Board Book: At some point, he'll be interested.
Nail Polish: I may or may not have bought this shade for myself - it's perfect for spring! She'll use this during her hours of down time.
Snacks: Good for diaper bags and general snacking - as snacks are good for snacking. 

What are your favorite new baby/parent gifts to give or receive?